Third trimester came with a BANG! I'll write more about how i'm doing next week... but I wanted to put into words our last week.
I have a TERRIBLE memory. I tend to forget the most simple things. I think it's so important for us to write down our story, what God has done in our life, so we can remember. In the Old Testament, they would set up a reminder so they would never forget what God had done and where.... here is our story....
Over a month ago, around Katelynn's first birthday, we noticed some swelling in her face. Our doctor assumed she was having a hard time fighting off a virus. I had recently been sick, and it's October, everyone is sick. She hadn't been exhibiting any symptoms, however, we started looking back through pictures and realized she had been swelling for a while, but not enough for me to notice. My main concern at that point was not getting anyone else sick, and her first birthday. I was so excited when she wasn't running any temp after a day and my doctor told me she was clear to be around friends. We went on with her birthday party and gave her the antibiotics for 10 days. During this time, I kept track of the lump, because I really felt like it wasn't decreasing. All along, my mom istincts have never let me feel like this was something minor. At the end of the antibiotics, Katelynn had her 1 year checkup. Our ped confirmed that the lymph was not any better, and possibly even worse. At that point, he wanted us to see an ENT. He got us a pretty quick apt, because it made him nervous. I tried to just decide he was being really cautious and there was nothing to be nervous about. One thing i'm constantly trying as a parent is to stay calm until told otherwise. I never want her to see an example of worry. Easier said than done of course...
We met with Dr Visor, he felt around on the node and told us it could be a couple of things. He talked about what he has seen over time. He said that there were times when he put kids on 2 rounds of a specific antibiotic. The majority of the bacteria that cause a reaction is killed by that antibiotic. Katelynn got really good at sitting in waiting rooms and taking apart my purse contents...
When you are carefully watching something on your child, every day it looks different. When Dr Visor texted us after a week to check on her, we told him we really felt like it was going down. Later, I laughed because it obviously it hadn't but we really really wanted it to be working!
Dr Visor did a great job of preparing us what would come next... and he mentioned it was a possibility that we would need to biopsy the mass if it didn't improve. When we went back after round 1 of antibiotics, we decided it was time. I took her to get labs drawn (terrible btw) and they bound her up and held her down while they did the biopsy. I was very fakely okay the entire time, then later felt like I was going to throw up. She was very angry at us, and at some point got an arm out, Adam had to go help hold her down. I will happily never do that again.
(she's in that little cocoon)
Biopsy results came back inconclusive. There was a long list of what it was NOT, but few things of what it could be. I was starting to get frustrated because I just really wanted my little girl well. It's hard to watch something grow and grow on her face with no answers. We spent the next 10 days waiting on results and talking to Dr Visor. At the end of that time, he said he was no longer comfortable keeping it in... we scheduled surgery within 48 hours
On surgery day, we woke up at 5am, and I was really nervous about how she would respond not being able to have her cup. She was so excited to still have her paci she didn't even care! She kept excitedly taking it out and showing it to everyone. She thought it was a huge treat! We waited about 30 min before they took us to the holding room. We met the doctors, nurses etc... everyone was super nice. Katelynn HATED the hospital bracelets and was starting to get fussy. The nurse came in and told us it was time for hugs and kisses, the second I kissed her the nurse whisked her from my arms and was gone. That was the first time I really broke down. I paced the halls for a few minutes and just allowed myself to finally be scared. As a non-cryer, I quickly stopped because 700 people asked me if I was ok. Emotion over ;-)
The surgery was scheduled for 100 min. I appreciated the exact time so I could set my watch and count every one! Thankfully, my dad told me to add 30 min to that time. Stef showed up with food and helped keep me distracted while we waited. Adam's parents and my mom were also there. I did really well until we hit 2 hours, then I started getting super restless. Thankfully, they called out and said everything had gone well and they were going to close up shortly! About 15 min later, Dr Visor came out and told us the surgery was more complicated than he expected. The mass was 4 lymph nodes stuck together and was extremely sticky. The nerve didn't appear to have any damage (his #1 concern going in), but that was to be determined. He was allowing us to go home (we were going to be admitted if there was any complications). A few minutes later, someone came and got us to wait for her to return. She showed up groggy and cranky. I don't blame her. She was very unsettled and didn't know what she wanted. She did much better after they removed the iv etc... and finally fully relaxed after we got in the car. I'm SO thankful we were able to go home. After being restless and fussy, she got in the house and said "DOGS". All was fine with the world.
Her drain annoyed her the rest of the day, and she was on and off aggitated, but nothing unbearable. Our friend who is a peds nurse came over and helped us readjust the tube location, she was much more comfortable after that. That night she slept like a champ! I set alarms to get up and give her pain meds, and it worked like a charm. She woke up the next morning super swollen, but SO happy. She hasn't looked back! We realize now how fussy and uncomfortable she has been the last few months, there is now NO slowing her down!!!
A week later we got the great results it was just a bacteria!!! She is one of the few kids who has this reaction, and it is probably something she breathed in. Completely treatable with surgery and meds.
Throughout this experience, I've really reflected on what I believe when things get hard. I tried to keep perspective and not be dramatic, but this was very trying on Adam and I. I always firmly believe that you have the grace to handle whatever situation you have, and we did, but it wasn't always easy. I hope Katelynn understands some day that sometimes experiences will be hard. There will be things you don't understand, there will be pain... but God is faithful. He never said everything would be easy. I want to believe that because we love and trust him my kid wouldn't be the one that ended up with the weird medical thing. That because we are believers, I wouldn't have to go through my baby girl having surgery when i'm 7 months pregnant. This experience taught me a lot about myself, about God and trully how GOOD he is.
Things I am thankful for during this experience:
- The comfort of the word- It was my complete nourishment during the unknown
- My husband- there are no words to explain the strength and love of this man. He exudes Christ in everything he does
- Our friends and family- I put them together becuase they are both. We had calls, meals , texts and SO many prayers. We felt supported, understood, loved etc
- Our church family- our Sunday school class is amazing. They love so deeply
- For a safe surgery, and the ability to take my baby home
- For a Bible study of women who love the Lord and we can do life together
- This experience. So many truths I learned. So many things about myself I found out.
- Chocolate.
My favorite picture of the entire thing. LOOK MOM I FEEL BETTER!!!!
